Ep. 319 Bad Marriage Advice with Monica Tanner

We’ve all heard the advice: Never go to bed angry. Always put your partner first. Communication is everything.

But what if those well-meaning tips are actually setting us up to fail?

In this week’s episode of the To Your Health podcast, I had a candid and energizing conversation with Monica Tanner—relationship coach and host of the Secrets of Happily Ever After podcast—about what strong relationships actually require, especially when life feels chaotic and connection is harder to come by.

Why “never go to bed angry” might backfire

Monica explains that trying to resolve conflict late at night—when you’re exhausted and emotionally drained—can do more harm than good. Instead, she suggests giving each other space to cool off and revisit the issue with clearer heads and softer hearts the next day. It’s not about avoiding conflict, but about approaching it from a place of regulation, not reactivity.

Reconnecting in hard seasons

Marriage doesn’t exist in a vacuum. Stress from work, parenting, or personal challenges all impact the dynamic. Monica talks about how easy it is to misinterpret your partner’s behavior during hard seasons—assuming they’re pulling away emotionally when they’re really just struggling in silence. Instead of assuming the worst, she encourages curiosity and compassion.

The weekly marriage meeting that actually works

One of Monica’s go-to tools for couples is a short, structured weekly check-in that helps partners stay connected without it feeling like another item on the to-do list. She recommends four simple questions:

1. What went well this week?

2. What could have gone better?

3. How can I support you next week?

4. What’s something fun we can plan together?

This practice creates a space for emotional safety and positive momentum—and can completely shift the tone of your relationship over time.

Why connection matters more than communication

It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking we just need to communicate better. But Monica challenges that idea. “People don’t leave relationships because of poor communication,” she says. “They leave because they don’t feel emotionally safe.”

That emotional safety—knowing you’re seen, heard, and cared for—is what keeps people invested. And you can build it with small, consistent actions that make your partner feel loved and understood.

Redefining success in your relationship

You don’t have to have a perfect marriage. You don’t need long date nights, fancy vacations, or hours of deep conversations. What matters most is showing up for each other in meaningful ways—even if they’re small.

This episode is full of practical, doable ideas that can help you stop comparing your relationship to someone else’s highlight reel and start focusing on what works for you.