It can all feel so much harder to lose weight without the support of your family and friends. And this lack of support is a common obstacle that stops women from prioritizing themselves and their goals.
Sometimes, feeling unsupported is just in our interpretation. And sometimes, the people closest to us just can’t get on board with our goals or the changes we’re making.
How do you know the difference, and what do you do if you’re not getting the support you want?
It feels good to be supported by the people closest to us (i.e. your immediate family, close friends, maybe parents or coworkers). These are the people you interact with on a daily basis (or close to it) and whose opinions are important to you. These people are aware of your goals, what you’re doing and why.
The first thing to do when you think you’re working without the support of your family and friends is to figure out if that’s actually true. Often, our thoughts and feelings create a situation in our head that doesn’t even exist.
Don’t Make Assumptions
More often than not, you’re dealing with a perceived lack of support. Your own self-doubt or insecurity is clouding your interactions and making you feel like nobody believes in you, when really it’s because you don’t yet believe in yourself.
Ask yourself: Why do I think [insert name here] isn’t supportive of my goals? Have they stated outright that they aren’t on board with your goals? What specific situations have happened and what evidence (if any) do you have of that lack of support? Are they actually unsupportive or are you interpreting their behavior or a conversation to mean that they aren’t?
It’s also important to remember that things are not always what they appear at the surface. I worked with a client who was a great example of this. She originally said that her husband was not supportive of her working with us. She took that to mean that he didn’t want her to pursue losing weight, even though it was important to her.
In the end, it turned out that he was completely supportive of her pursuing her goals, but he had also been around long enough to see multiple other attempts at losing this weight that made her miserable, didn’t actually help her accomplish the goal and negatively impacted him and the kids. He was simply looking out for her happiness and trying to protect her from more disappointment.
Action: Have the hard conversations
If you don’t feel supported by someone in your life who is important to you, be upfront and talk to them about it. Let them know you feel like they aren’t supporting your weight loss goals and explain what made you feel that way. Then, give them a chance to explain where they’re coming from. So often, you’ll find that it might just be concern for your feelings or how it will impact them or your relationship.
If you’re willing to have these awkward conversations, you’ll be so much better off. Odds are, you’ll find that the people who you thought didn’t support you actually do. Either way, it’s a chance to figure out what’s really going on, clear the air and move forward. And once it’s out there, it’s a lot easier to keep those lines of communication open.
How To Lose Weight Without The Support Of Your Family
Sometimes there will be people in your life who don’t understand your weight loss goals or who might even try to discourage you from making positive changes in your life. This doesn’t mean you can’t do it!
Here are some ways to continue moving forward, with or without the support of others.
Believe That You Can Lose Weight With Or Without Support From Family and Friends
Using the behavior of people around you can be an easy scapegoat that throws you off track from your goal. It’s easy to let circumstances or lack of support become the reason that you don’t take action.
You might hear yourself say, “I can’t change my eating habits because my partner won’t eat that way,” or “I’ll lose all my friends if I don’t want to drink anymore,” or, “I can’t leave work early enough to get my workouts in.” Because, because, because…
Action: Take ownership of your results
It’s time to take compassionate ownership and decide that, while it would be easier if everyone around you was on board with your goal, you still get to decide that you can do this – with or without support, even if it’s not easy. You do not need other people in order to be successful.
It’s nice to feel supported by family and friends, and it can make your life easier. But it isn’t required. See it as a challenge and opportunity to level up, and recognize that continuing to prioritize your goals and yourself will make you stronger and more resilient.
Reduce Your Exposure To Unsupportive People
If you’re finding that certain people are being time sucks, or energy sucks, or just sort of leaving you feeling drained or leaving you feeling less committed, or less confident that you’re gonna be successful, you get to decide what your relationship to them looks like in the future as the healthiest version of yourself.
Maybe you’ve identified certain people in your life who just don’t get what you’re trying to do. You don’t need to cut them out completely (and this often isn’t possible), but you can be more intentional about the time you’re spending with them and what you do together.
Action: Set boundaries
It’s time to set some boundaries around your time and energy. This is something that a lot of us haven’t had a lot of practice with. As women, we’re often conditioned to be people pleasers and go with the flow, so learning to set boundaries in adulthood can be difficult. It’s also essential if you want to be a priority in your own life.
You can also set boundaries around topics of conversation. For example, asking not to talk about diets or bodies at lunch with friends.
People won’t always hold your boundary, so decide ahead of time what you will do if this happens. Then, follow through.
Look For The Good
As with any sort of adversity you might face, there is usually a silver lining or lesson that you can find if you’re willing to look for it. And, of course, we can always look for a solution to the problem at hand.
This is hard when you’re in the middle of it. Sometimes it takes a little time and distance to be able to look back and find the lesson.
Maybe the way people are treating you will remind you of how you want to treat and support others. Maybe you’ll realize a time when you weren’t as supportive to a friend as they wanted you to be. Maybe you need more practice setting boundaries. There are endless possibilities.
Action: Be open to possibilities
Instead of looking at a lack of support like a cement wall blocking you from your goal, reflect and search for the lessons and solutions. Open your eyes to the possibilities that are going to help you maintain your relationships and also lose weight, reach your goals and be happier, healthier and more confident.
Know That It’s All Constantly Evolving
Other people’s reactions are more about them than you, but nothing is permanent. As you evolve and grow, the people around you do, too.
After a while, fears about the changes you are making may be eased, people in your life may become more open to hearing about what you’re doing and see the positive impacts.
Sometimes, they’ll even be inspired to get on board and start making small changes along with you.
Action: Be supportive of someone else
When someone close to you decides to make a change, you get to be the person that you wished you had in the beginning. The person who says, “I’m here to support you. How can I help?”
Build A Supportive Network
This is not a matter of trading out the people who are already in your life. Think about more as how you can add to your social support system. You don’t need to force the people around you into these new roles. You can expand your network and invite new people in.
It’s nice to have people in your circle who really get it and who you can talk to about all the things (without the eye rolls). It helps to have like-minded people around you, and it’s backed by research.
Action: Expand Your Circle
This is why I talk so much about the comprehensive support and community inside the Gone For Good VIP program.
You can meet other women who are strength training, taking walks, hiking, trying new activities, trying new recipes (or learning how to cook for the first time), finding and redefining themselves.
And you can work with professionals who will give you a roadmap and hold you accountable to your goals and your plan.
If you are missing this piece of the weight loss puzzle, we offer comprehensive support inside the Gone For Good program, along with so much more. Learn more about how we can help guide you in this journey at www.estheravant.com/coaching
Additional Resources
The Live Diet Free Podcast:
- Episode 143: How To Set Boundaries To Support Your Physical & Mental Health
